What you think about this?

I been holding it in now I'm letting it flow

What you think about this?

I'm gonna do my own thing yeah I'm flying solo so

Don't tell me how its gonna be

On my own

And the thing of it is

There's nothing round here that I'm gonna miss

Cause you're holding me down

I just wanna fly

There comes a time when I gotta say goodbye

To the life that you see me in

Here's where I begin

And I promise myself

I ain't nobody's, I just wanna be free

And I promise myself

Even though it don't always come easy

Gonna learn from my pain

Never explain

Do it my way, that's what I say

Promise myself

I'm the only one who will believe me

There's a voice in my head

Telling me come on, come on, move on

There's a voice in my head

Telling me I know my right from wrong

They say what doesn't kill you can

Make you strong

Now I know what it means

You can try to bend but you ain't breakin my dreams

I'll be making mistakes

Comin up at a loss

I'll be tumbling down

But Like MC shake it off

I'll stay cool cause I know who's boss

Of me, myself, and I

I'll keep movin even when the beat is gone (I will)

I'll keep doin what i got to do to carry on (I will)

So don't hold me down cause i'm gonna fly

and the time has come and gotta say goodbye

To the life that you see me in

Here's where I begin

I'm over your lies

And I'm over your games.

I'm over you asking me when you know I'm not ok

You call me at night,

And I pick up the phone

And though you've been telling me, I know you're not aloneAnd that's why your eyes,

I'm over it.

Your smile,

I'm over it.

Realized

I'm over it, I'm over it, I'm over.

Wanting you to be wanting me

No, that ain't no way to be.

How I feel, read my lips

Because I'm so over, I'm so over

I'm so…

Moving on, and it's my time.

You never were a friend of fine

Hurt at first, a little bit

And now I'm so over,

So over it

I'm over your hands

And I'm over your mouth.

Trying to drag me down and fill me with self doubt

and that's why your world

I'm over it.

So sure,

I'm over it.

I'm not your girl

I'm over it, I'm over it, I'm over.

Wanting you to be wanting me

No, that ain't no way to be.

How I feel, read my lips

Because I'm so over, I'm so over

I'm so…

Moving on, and it's my time.

You never were a friend of fine

Hurt at first, a little bit

And now I'm so over,

So over it

I'm so over it

Don't call,

Don't come by.

Ain't no use

Don't ask me why.

You never change;

There'll be no more cryin'in the rain

never

I hope when you're in bed with her
you think of me
I would never wish bad things
but I don't wish you well
Could you tell
by the flames that burned your words
I never read your letter
'cause I knew what you'd say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try make it all okay

Does it hurt
to know I'll never be there
But it sucks
to see my face everywhere
It was you
who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
you knew
exactly what you would do
And don't say
you simply lost your way
She may believe you
but I never will
never again

If she really knows the truth
she deserves you

But when your day comes
and he's through with you

You wrote me in a letter
you couldn't say it right to my face

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never!

Ouwkay..

This year is a really tough year for me. a lot of stuff happened and a lot are unpredictable. well, I learned some of the tricks. so, now I know that life ain’t easy task. Whenever I fall, I gotta try to get up. Whenever I cry, I gotta try to be happy. Whenever I’m hurt, I gotta try to unleash the pain. I gotta be stronger, each and everyday. I know, there will be more than this, that I must face. Cry will not solve anything, but it helps to calm myself. Singing, playing piano, and dancing helps too. But, cry is the best friend of mine in crazy situations. I dun need people to pity me. I need my friends to support me to go through everthing, everyday, in my life. I’m very grateful to have my friends and family. I love them with all my heart.

So. 6 days til new year. 6 days til new me. 6 days of process. No more of pastur etc. I will let go of this feeling. Everything. This is how life goes. We choose what we want to be. We have a choice. We are the one who decide. I decide to be happy. I decide not to keep myself down. I decide to be strong. I decide for my future. The future that me and my loved ones would want to see.

i wAnT tO..

Feel xo tired today coz lack of sleep.. tired after doing house chores.. a lot. I have like about 1 hour nap. It’s a good nap though..

there was a blackout for about half-an-hour.

I’ve been sms-ing sith my best friend as usual this whole day.. talking about stuff, and joking around, gossiping. It was so funny.. I laughed a lot. Haha.. about pastur. We’re crazy when the “nuts” mode is on.

Anyway, the pictures made me realize that this is just a game. Actually, I love playing games, but I’m tired of it already. No more. I dun really care anymore. I just have to go through this. I know I can. I just have to keep motivating myself to. I dun wanna fall again. My mom was asking me about how things going & she reminded me about those stuff. My best friend was reminding me too. I must remember that. I must do that. I must keep going on. I dun wanna disappoint them. I love them.

I know words are just words. Nothing more can proof the truth of it other than actions. Music is just music. Song is just a song. Lyrics are just words. They are all the same. The one thing that makes it different is expression. And this expression is the one inside our hearts. Which will be transferred to the brain and say what our heart say. and my heart say, I wanna be happy. So I will.

having fun

I’m so happy today coz I hang out with my friends for a few hours today. I was with Jimmy, Della, Medan, & Kevin.. we’re laughing like crazy!! Lots of fun.. lots of crazy talks, gossips, & expressions.. really miss that by now already..

Let the story begin…

Jimmy picked me up at my house at about 12.30.. then we straightly go to La Piazza, to 21 Cineplex, the movie house.. then we went to chowking.. after a few minutes, kevin joined us.. della came after that.. then medan came..

From chowking, we head to key duplicate maker.. I was about to duplicate one, but it’s not available.. so Jimmy & Medan got in the smoking area for a few minutes.. then we head to MKG3 to get some cash.. then Medan wanna check out the movies, so we went to the cinema.. the cinema was full of people queuing.. so we decided not to watch the movie..

then we went to Cinnzeo.. there, we had some pastries & coffee.. we read magazines available there and took some pictures.. they’re really good actually.. we’re laughing like, nonstop.. talking, talking, talking.. joking, joking, joking,.. teasing, teasing, teasing.. gossiping, gossiping, gossiping.. the number one teaser is Della. She’s one crazy teaser.. but she did that for fun, for joking around.. so it’s really fun..

from cinnzeo, we went to fashion hub, to buy some stuff. Then we head home..

I feel so tired.. think it’s because lack of sleep.. I almost fainted several times.. well, thank God I’m fine, and thank him for this beautiful day..

It’s past 12 am.. let’s make wishes.. it’s Cap Go.. it’s the full moon night.. they say, if you make wishes during this day, or the Ce It (when the chinese date turns to the new month), our wishes can come true.. and actually it’s kinda true.. even it won’t happen all the time, but it will come true for sure..

So my wishes are:

- hope everything’s gonna be okay

- hope studies & dance thing will be fine

- hope me & my loved ones will always be happy, healthy, and protected from all evils & natural disasters

- hope my wishes can come true

omitohud

omigod...

slept at 3 am last night.. chatting all night with my friends.. and i got a new friend.. she's american.. she's so like me.. well, not exactly, but we got a lot of similarities.. it's like "omigod" all over us last night.. from our stories, our tastes, our style, omg.. that's crazy.. she's a really nice person to talk with..

I woke up at about 6.30 am.. can’t sleep.. then just lie in bed til 8.30 am.. then tidy up and took shower.. then accompany my mom to the bank. After that we went to the mall to buy some books, food, and christmas gifts.. i got myself a caramel latte.. I’m craving for like these 1 week.. finally, I got it!! So happy for it.. hehe.. then, got back home..

At home, took some pics for jessica.. then install chocolatier coz my mom delete the program.. she’s so mean.. then, I washed the car along with my little brother.. it was so much fun.. my housemaid quit today.. so, gotta do chores.. hopefully next week, the replacement will come.. after washing the car, I bathe my lil bro, then I took a shower myself..

And online now.. I was about to send the e-mail for jessica, but I can’t find her email address.. stupid me.. so, I will wait til she’s online.. we’re like soulmates.. it’s really2 unpredictable that we have the same zodiac sign.. and really comfy to talk with.. and really nice.. omg..

Got some stuff to do during this holiday.. need to finish some stuffed animals for my friends, then do some college assignments.. I got EDP 101 assignment, ENG 107 assignment, and SOC.SC. 105 assignment.. and haven’t do any of those.. haven’t workout today.. maybe later..

Today is Dec 21, 2007.. 11 days to go til new year.. wonder why time went so fast.. nobody can control it.. but that’s the challenge in life.. that’s where we are put to test.. to compete with time.. to make time our friend.. to be able to manage time..

~What's Inside My Heart~

gw bakal lepas semua rasa penasaran, sakit ati, dll, tentang dy. gw bakal jadi orang yang beda banget.
biar tuhan yang bales semuanya. jadi gw harus ilangin rasa sakit gw.
uda ga ada tu yang namanya ikatan batin. semuanya bullshit. cuma nyakitin doank. alibi.
karma pasti bakal terjadi nanti.
uda ga ada yang namanya kabur-kabur. semua harus dihadapin. gw akan hadepin dengan tenang n open mind. gw akan anggep semuanya cerita masa lalu. gw bkal anggep semua angin lalu. no more demanding anything bot it anymore.
gw uda cukup puas selama ini soal semuanya.
mungkin suatu hari nanti dy nyadar kalo gw cewe yang setia, rela berkorban, selalu ngalah, rela diomelin, nurut, dan selalu belain dy, ditengah-tengah semua kesibukkan gw. ga ada tuh jaman sekarang cewe yang ga matre kaya gw. walau gw cape, ngantuk, ato sakit, gw tetep temenin dy. gw tetep ngurusin dy. gw tetep setia ama dy. gw tetep nurut ama dy. gw tetep rela dimaki-maki ama dy. gw cuma bisa nangis doank. saking cintanya gw ama dy. ampe apapun yg dy lakuin, bagi gw, itulah dy, gw terima aj, ampe gw ga percaya ap yg temen gw blg kalo dy jalan ama cewe laen, dll. gw lebih percaya mulut dy yg sebenernya bohong n bullshit doank isinya. copycat. dy selalu copy kata2 orang. apalagi dari lagu. selalu. ga ad yg laen. well, life is a song, but it doesn't hafta be like that all the time.
mungkin nanti dy nyadar kalo gw itu bukan "something" tapi "someone" special. gw bukan "thing", i'm a living breathing human. i'm a girl. i'm a really nice girl ever found in the universe. cinta dan sayang gw tulus selalu buat semua orang2 yg gw sayang. ga ad yg dibuat2 n pake rayuan gombal yg cuma copy paste dari lagu ato dari kata2 orang.
mungkin nanti dy akan tau gimana rasanya disakitin ma orang tersayang berkali-kali.
mungkin dy akan ngerti n bisa berubah buat diri dy sendiri dan orang lain.
mungkin nanti dy nyadar kalo cuma gw cewe yang mau bulak balik ma dy padahal uda disakitin untuk kesekian kalinya.
boleh dy ngomong bohong ama gw, kaya, "ga pegi2 1 minggu ini" tapi apa nyatanya? jelas2 temen g ngeliat dy pegi nonton ama cewe kamis malem. sementara dy blg gt ama gw hari selasa malem. kayanya ga ampe 1 minggu tuh.
pasti karma itu bakal balik ke dy. dy bakal sering dibohongin ama orang n dy bakal puxing bgt coz balesan karma lebih parah daripada dosa yang dy buat.
i dunno why i feel this pain inside when he came to me and say, "we broke up just fine, right? why are you avoiding me? can't we be friends?". he doesn't even know what he's doing. he doesn't even know that some people may get hurt by his unconsidered actions. and innocently, he asked that question, "we friends rite?". it's just the meanest thing i've ever heard.
so, i know that that's the way he is. never care about other people. just care about himself. he may say he's close to jesus and goes to the church every sunday, and join the gathering, but if the person himself doesn't understand what is being told and delivered in the process, well, he knows exactly nothing. he only put the information in his brain, but doesn't transfer it to his heart. everything is just like that. gak di resapin. ga di filter. cuma di-save doank di otak, dan ga pernah di lakuin di kehidupan sehari-hari. no implementation of the teachings. it's just an intermezzo for him.
well, hope his sins can be removed someday by his good acts. well, hope he could have one.
i'm gonna continue my life. i'm gonna move on with everything. i'm gonna take those stories as my story of the past. i'm gonna take the positive side, that i just knew that there are people like that, doesn't value love & honesty, and i become stronger after all the cries and hurt inside. may god bless every step i take all the time so i won't fall into any of those unpleasant situations.

I just dun understand that guys like him never think of other's feelings. I just so tired of talking and explaining things to him. He may say he just want to be friends with me, but I dunno what's inside his head. I just dun wanna fall again. Enough is enough. He never think of me. He never think that by everything he did would hurt me, like going out with a really damn pretty girl, which my mom saw and told me about that. He just still wanna hug me and kiss me, until he doesn't feel anything towards me anymore. Well, i dun think it's ever gonna work that way. Coz the only way to get over each other is to really stay away from each other. I'm just so tired of this..