omigod...

slept at 3 am last night.. chatting all night with my friends.. and i got a new friend.. she's american.. she's so like me.. well, not exactly, but we got a lot of similarities.. it's like "omigod" all over us last night.. from our stories, our tastes, our style, omg.. that's crazy.. she's a really nice person to talk with..

I woke up at about 6.30 am.. can’t sleep.. then just lie in bed til 8.30 am.. then tidy up and took shower.. then accompany my mom to the bank. After that we went to the mall to buy some books, food, and christmas gifts.. i got myself a caramel latte.. I’m craving for like these 1 week.. finally, I got it!! So happy for it.. hehe.. then, got back home..

At home, took some pics for jessica.. then install chocolatier coz my mom delete the program.. she’s so mean.. then, I washed the car along with my little brother.. it was so much fun.. my housemaid quit today.. so, gotta do chores.. hopefully next week, the replacement will come.. after washing the car, I bathe my lil bro, then I took a shower myself..

And online now.. I was about to send the e-mail for jessica, but I can’t find her email address.. stupid me.. so, I will wait til she’s online.. we’re like soulmates.. it’s really2 unpredictable that we have the same zodiac sign.. and really comfy to talk with.. and really nice.. omg..

Got some stuff to do during this holiday.. need to finish some stuffed animals for my friends, then do some college assignments.. I got EDP 101 assignment, ENG 107 assignment, and SOC.SC. 105 assignment.. and haven’t do any of those.. haven’t workout today.. maybe later..

Today is Dec 21, 2007.. 11 days to go til new year.. wonder why time went so fast.. nobody can control it.. but that’s the challenge in life.. that’s where we are put to test.. to compete with time.. to make time our friend.. to be able to manage time..

~What's Inside My Heart~

gw bakal lepas semua rasa penasaran, sakit ati, dll, tentang dy. gw bakal jadi orang yang beda banget.
biar tuhan yang bales semuanya. jadi gw harus ilangin rasa sakit gw.
uda ga ada tu yang namanya ikatan batin. semuanya bullshit. cuma nyakitin doank. alibi.
karma pasti bakal terjadi nanti.
uda ga ada yang namanya kabur-kabur. semua harus dihadapin. gw akan hadepin dengan tenang n open mind. gw akan anggep semuanya cerita masa lalu. gw bkal anggep semua angin lalu. no more demanding anything bot it anymore.
gw uda cukup puas selama ini soal semuanya.
mungkin suatu hari nanti dy nyadar kalo gw cewe yang setia, rela berkorban, selalu ngalah, rela diomelin, nurut, dan selalu belain dy, ditengah-tengah semua kesibukkan gw. ga ada tuh jaman sekarang cewe yang ga matre kaya gw. walau gw cape, ngantuk, ato sakit, gw tetep temenin dy. gw tetep ngurusin dy. gw tetep setia ama dy. gw tetep nurut ama dy. gw tetep rela dimaki-maki ama dy. gw cuma bisa nangis doank. saking cintanya gw ama dy. ampe apapun yg dy lakuin, bagi gw, itulah dy, gw terima aj, ampe gw ga percaya ap yg temen gw blg kalo dy jalan ama cewe laen, dll. gw lebih percaya mulut dy yg sebenernya bohong n bullshit doank isinya. copycat. dy selalu copy kata2 orang. apalagi dari lagu. selalu. ga ad yg laen. well, life is a song, but it doesn't hafta be like that all the time.
mungkin nanti dy nyadar kalo gw itu bukan "something" tapi "someone" special. gw bukan "thing", i'm a living breathing human. i'm a girl. i'm a really nice girl ever found in the universe. cinta dan sayang gw tulus selalu buat semua orang2 yg gw sayang. ga ad yg dibuat2 n pake rayuan gombal yg cuma copy paste dari lagu ato dari kata2 orang.
mungkin nanti dy akan tau gimana rasanya disakitin ma orang tersayang berkali-kali.
mungkin dy akan ngerti n bisa berubah buat diri dy sendiri dan orang lain.
mungkin nanti dy nyadar kalo cuma gw cewe yang mau bulak balik ma dy padahal uda disakitin untuk kesekian kalinya.
boleh dy ngomong bohong ama gw, kaya, "ga pegi2 1 minggu ini" tapi apa nyatanya? jelas2 temen g ngeliat dy pegi nonton ama cewe kamis malem. sementara dy blg gt ama gw hari selasa malem. kayanya ga ampe 1 minggu tuh.
pasti karma itu bakal balik ke dy. dy bakal sering dibohongin ama orang n dy bakal puxing bgt coz balesan karma lebih parah daripada dosa yang dy buat.
i dunno why i feel this pain inside when he came to me and say, "we broke up just fine, right? why are you avoiding me? can't we be friends?". he doesn't even know what he's doing. he doesn't even know that some people may get hurt by his unconsidered actions. and innocently, he asked that question, "we friends rite?". it's just the meanest thing i've ever heard.
so, i know that that's the way he is. never care about other people. just care about himself. he may say he's close to jesus and goes to the church every sunday, and join the gathering, but if the person himself doesn't understand what is being told and delivered in the process, well, he knows exactly nothing. he only put the information in his brain, but doesn't transfer it to his heart. everything is just like that. gak di resapin. ga di filter. cuma di-save doank di otak, dan ga pernah di lakuin di kehidupan sehari-hari. no implementation of the teachings. it's just an intermezzo for him.
well, hope his sins can be removed someday by his good acts. well, hope he could have one.
i'm gonna continue my life. i'm gonna move on with everything. i'm gonna take those stories as my story of the past. i'm gonna take the positive side, that i just knew that there are people like that, doesn't value love & honesty, and i become stronger after all the cries and hurt inside. may god bless every step i take all the time so i won't fall into any of those unpleasant situations.

I just dun understand that guys like him never think of other's feelings. I just so tired of talking and explaining things to him. He may say he just want to be friends with me, but I dunno what's inside his head. I just dun wanna fall again. Enough is enough. He never think of me. He never think that by everything he did would hurt me, like going out with a really damn pretty girl, which my mom saw and told me about that. He just still wanna hug me and kiss me, until he doesn't feel anything towards me anymore. Well, i dun think it's ever gonna work that way. Coz the only way to get over each other is to really stay away from each other. I'm just so tired of this..

juz tryin' my bez to live dis life

I juz want everything to be ok. tired of those things already. i dun wanna get hurt again. it's enough. I juz wanna be happy. no more crying like crazy. no more crazy insomnia. no more. I wanna smile happily. I wanna shine to the world.
maybe you think I'm stupid. maybe you think i'm juz a lil girl. but i'm not. i'm trying to be mature here, by not accepting your calls. by not replying your message. but, it doesn't mean i hate u. I hate the way you treat me like shits. I do. But now, i gotta face it. I accept that you treat me like shit. it happened already. you can't change the past.
maybe you dun understand a word i'm sayin' coz u r so blinded with ur pride. u dun hav any sympathy or empathy towards people. no altruism at all. u are a mean guy, u noe dat? well, i guess u will understand wad i feel in the future. when the time comes. dunno when. maybe 5 years later.

TiReD

Tired of lies. Tired of being hurt. Tired being like this all the time. I know I'm the stupidest girl ever in this world because I trust you with all my heart, and I love you truly inside. But, I must be strong and let go of everything because I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to be crazy over you. You are not even worth it.
Cukup tau aja that u're dat kinda person. Cukup tau aja, selama ini, cuma mau maenin gw. Cukup tau aja that u're just a bunch of bullshits. Don't ever touch me again u nasty s.o.b.!

Puxing ah...

cape deh.. why everything must be like this.. everything's so confusing.. fall in love so deeply with a guy.. but the love is kinda forbidden.. juz wanna be hepi wit him even though we can't be together..